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We love theatre – all of it. The complete terror that comes two minutes before the start of every performance. The self-doubt when you flick through the script and get the feeling that you’ve never seen these words written down in this order before (again, usually about two minutes before curtain up) and then, the joy that comes when an appreciative audience applauds and compliments your performance.
This week, Helen reminisces on the memories that wake her in a cold sweat in the middle of the nigh even after over 40 years’ experience in amateur theatre!
There I’ve said it! There is nothing more annoying that a door that refuses to stay closed when it should. All is well and good if it slowly (and silently) drifts open – hey, it’s real and the brain child of a creative set designer – yeah right! Does this ever happen? Of course not. The door will swing open rapidly, usually revealing a cast member awaiting their entrance, totally engrossed in following their script waiting for their cue. Or…
…after weeks of rehearsal on a bare stage where every invisible ‘door’ is opened and closed as per the script – when it comes to the performance someone forgets to close the door behind them. Not necessarily a problem, until, as happened to me, I had to move from one side of the stage to the other and the only way was to go behind the back flats. Half way across and I realise that the door in the middle had not been closed – I had no way of getting across without being seen by the audience. With time running out and my panic palpable, I managed to get the attention of another cast member, who in turn, signalled to another, and another, before someone in the sight line of an actor on stage managed to point out the predicament. Problem solved, but not before I’d lost half my body weight in perspiration!
The actors on stage know they have to learn their lines, the movements, the cues – that’s half the ‘fun’ of it – but the sound and lighting crew have the luxury of having their scripts to hand throughout the performance. In amateur theatre, certainly in my experience, it is not possible for these wonderful people to attend early rehearsals and are often first seen at the tech and dress rehearsal stage. No problem, I hear you cry! They’ve got a script, lovingly highlighted and annotated by the director – what could go wrong? They get so involved in watching the performance that they don’t follow the upcoming instructions, that’s what! In my local amateur society, we’ve just learned to add in the words “press play Dave!” before any music is needed – problem solved!
Not so bad in pantomime, when a quick ad lib can get you out of most problems (and usually delight the audience at the same time), but if you’re in the middle of a serious drama and you look into the eyes of your fellow actor and see…nothing. Nada. Nil. Nowt (as we say Oop North!) Whatever words they’re supposed to say next have flown out of the window and refuse to come back even after a desperate plea from the heart. If you’re lucky, you know what they need to respond with and you can help them out but that two seconds of time feels like hours when you’re literally looking into the whites of their eyes – shudder!
This story didn’t actually happen to me - and I’m quite grateful that I was off stage at the time if I’m completely honest, but the greatest, most professional, “surely we didn’t sign up for this” moment came in the middle of a pantomime in a local village hall. The principal boy was closing act one with a rousing chorus number of “These boots are made for walking”. They were about to lead the chorus down through the audience in a march to rescue the kidnapped princess! As the music started the principals on stage and all the young chorus had to put on a pair of boots from a strategically placed pile in the corner of the stage. What no one knew at the time was that one, very young chorus member had felt very unwell just before this and had quietly used one of the boots as a ‘receptacle’. She then, calmly placed the boot back with the others. In full theatrical swing, the principal boy pulled a boot off the pile and…you can guess what happened! Did she scream? Did she run into the wings squealing like a stuffed pig? Nope! She gulped and momentarily shut her eyes but didn’t miss a beat and squelched her way through the audience!
There's never a dull moment! Until next time!
Sarah and Helen!
